


Agoraphobia

by bringmesomepie



Series: Fear Series [50]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Agoraphobia, BAMF Castiel, Bisexual Dean, Bookstore Owner Castiel, Dean Has Issues, Dean Has a Bad Day, Dean-Centric, F/M, Fear of being unable to escape, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Panicking Dean, Protective Sam Winchester, Writer Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:17:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8955298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringmesomepie/pseuds/bringmesomepie
Summary: Sam buys books for Dean at Castiel's bookstore...Cas gets a little too courage about the WInchester's older brother.





	

Castiel has known Sam for two years. The two knew each other from the young Winchester visiting Cas’s bookstore. They really became friends. The Novak was reading while the store was slow. The Winchester stepped inside. “Hey Cas, how are you?”

“Hello Sam. What can I get you today?” Cas smiled.

“Just came to say hey and get a book for my brother.” Sam shrugged. “He’s read everything in his house twice…at least. He sent me a list of books he wants.”

“Does your brother work a lot and can’t come with you or just come himself?”

“No, he works from home. Doesn’t leave his house very often.” Sam was pretty vague.

Cas nodded. “What does he do?”

“A writer, mostly. Do you have an lesser known Vonnegut books? Or any Lovecraft?” Sam pulled the list out of his pocket.

“Yeah, follow me.” Cas guided Sam over to the correct section. “You brother got a name?”

“Dean. He’s pretty closed off.” Sam scanned the shelves. “Sadly, he didn’t always act that way. He used to be bubbly and an idiot.”

Cas wanted to know more. “So when you say he doesn’t leave his home often you mean…”

“He hasn’t stepped off his property in 3 years.” Sam blinked dryly.

“Oh…” Cas frowned. “What happened that made it so he can’t leave?”

“It’s a long story and I’m not comfortable talking about it.” Sam grabbed a book.

“I’m sorry. I would love to meet him.” Cas followed Sam to a different section.

Sam shrugged. “I do talk about you, Charlie, Jess, and Kevin a low when I’m at his house. How about this Friday we have supper at his place. Dean needs to see more than just me and Jess.”

“Great. I’ll go over to your apartment and we head there together.”

_*** &^%$^&*(*&^%$%^&*()*&^%** _

“Dean? Where are you?” Sam called out after leaving Cas’s bookstore.

“Office.” The elder Winchester answered. “Did you grab the mail?”

“Oh, shit, do you think me and you could walk out there together and grab it?” Sam walked into the downstairs office.

Dean turned his rolling chair to face his brother and took off his reading glasses. “Lydia called again.”

“That’s what happens when you sleep with your therapist, knock her up and stop talking to her.” Sam huffed.

“I can’t go and see her, I can’t go to her doctor appointments. I made a mistake by sleeping with her when I know I wasn’t attracted to her…even if she is gorgeous.” Dean frowned.

“Well, here’s the update. She’s having a girl. Lydia is thinking about a homebirth.”

“Great. Good for her. I still can’t go.” Dean shrugged.

“Don’t you want to be in your daughter’s life?”

“Of course I do, Sam!” Dean spat out.

“Then you have to try to go outside!” Sam answered. “Walk to the mailbox with me. Go out to the bookstore or out to dinner.”

Dean stood from the chair. “Stop, Sam.”

“No, Dean. Tomorrow we are gonna walk to Lydia’s house so you can talk with her and then Friday night me, Jess, and my friend Cas is gonna join us for dinner so be planning on a nice meal.”

_*** &*^%$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&*(** _

“Ok, out the door, big brother.” Sam stepped out on the porch and held the door open. “Step out.”

Dean peeked out the door. “Can we raincheck?”

“Nope. Come on. We’re gonna get the mail. On the porch, brother.” Sam gestured for Dean to walk out.

The Winchester slowly stepped onto the small porch. “Ok, I made it outside.”

“Now, off the steps.” Sam hopped down. “To the mailbox we go.”

“Give me time.” Dean wrapped his arms around his torso. “You remember last time.”

“I’m not saying we have to be fast, but we are going to the mailbox.” Sam walked beside Dean. Normally, Dean could make it to the box slowly, but no farther. The second Sam pulled the things out of the mail. “Ok, go inside. I know you want to.”

Dean bolted. The young Winchester walked back to the house. “Remember we are gonna actually get out of the house tomorrow.”

“I can’t. I’ll be sick.” Dean answered immediately.

“You’re doing it, Dean.”

“I’ll be busy tomorrow.” Dean said from the office.

“You’re so difficult, Dean.” Sam remarked.

“Then go home, Sam! No one is forcing you to be here.” Dean huffed angrily.

_*** &^%$^&*()*&^%^&*()** _

“Open up! Dean! I know you’re home! Open up!” Sam banged on the front door.

“What?” Dean flung open the door. The elder Winchester wore his normal attire; an old band-tee and pajama pants and bare feet.

“Get dressed. I called Lydia and we walking to her house.” Sam stepped inside.

Dean inhaled sharply. “Sam…”

“How about we get as far as you can. Lydia will understand.” Sam calmed down. “Can you do that?”

The Winchester pulled on some jeans and slipped on his boots. Dean slowly stepped onto the porch and watched Sam walk down the steps.

“Come on, bud. You can do this.” Sam encouraged. “One step at a time.”

Dean wrapped his arms around himself and slowly made his way to the mailbox. “I wanna go back, Sam.”

“It’s ok, Dean. Keep walking. You can do this.” Sam walked along side of his brother.

“Lydia is having a girl?” Dean’s hands were shaking as they walked farther away from the house.

Sam watched Dean keep looking back toward the small house. “She is gonna love seeing you able to get out of the house.”

“I—I want to be in my daughter’s life.” Dean frowned and looked back once again. “Sam, I wanna go back.”

“Little further. We’re halfway there.” Sam placed his hand on Dean’s back. “Lydia is super pregnant and she wants the father of her child to have a bond before she is born.”

“Stop, stop, please, Sammy.” Dean pulled his younger brother’s arm. “I need a minuet. Please, give me a minute.”

“Ok, ok, take a minute to breathe. We aren’t in any kind of rush.”

Dean crouched down in the middle of the sidewalk. He held his head in his hands. The elder Winchester was shaking and almost hyperventilating. “Sammy, I wanna go home.”

“You’ve made so much progress. Are you sure you can’t go any further?” Sam crouched down on his heels. “It’s ok if you can’t, but Lydia want you to make to her house, so you can start a bond with your daughter.”

“I can’t…I can’t…I wanna go home.” Dean panicked as tears slid down his face.

“Hey, Dean, this is the farthest away from home you’ve been for 3 years.” Sam smiled. “This is good. I’ll talk to Lydia. Let’s go home.”

Dean scrambled to his feet and sprinted down the asphalt. Sam walked at his own pace. By the time Sam reached the house Dean’s neighbor was on the porch next door. The older southern man smiled. “Howdy, Brother.”

“Morning, Benny.” Sam waved.

“Didcha get him in fresh air? Did he go see his baby mama?” Benny smiled.

“We were within 2 blocks of her house or 3 blocks away from the house. I call that a win.”

“You never really told me what up with him other than just saying… _’Agoraphobia’_ ” Benny leaned on the railing.

“He has a pretty bad case of Agoraphobia due to abuse from our father. John didn’t let Dean leave our home much and constantly beat him. Once I moved out to go to college Dean was gonna move into his own apartment, but John followed him and crashed his truck into Dean’s impala, putting Dean in a coma for 2 weeks. Dean would willing stay at home until I spoke up and called the police. Little did we know my dad was dying. John would have been arrested, but John passed away from liver failure in his sleep. Dean bought this house and slowly stopped leaving the house and 3 years ago he stopped leaving the house altogether until like 7 months ago, when he knocked up Lydia and came out as gay.” Sam explained.

“Is Dean alright?”

“He’ll be fine. I should help him out. See you later.” Sam waved.

_*** &^%$^&*&^%$#%^&*()** _

“That’s great, Lydia. I made it 2 block away from your house. Maybe by the time she is born I will be to talk to your house.” Dean spoke as he cooked.

_“Sam told me his is bringing a friend once to your house tonight. How do you feel about that?”_

“You’re not my therapist anymore, Lyd.”

_“But you’re not seeing a therapist at the moment.”_

“His name is Castiel and Sam is really close to him. He owns a bookstore, not too far from my house.”

_“Well, Dean, it’s 2 in the afternoon. You should go and introduce yourself.”_

“Why? I’ll meet him in 4 hours.” Dean set his prep for later. “Do you think I should?”

_“if you can walk to the bookstore and talk to that man…it would be a big step in improving.”_

Dean grabbed his house keys and cell phone. He had actually put on real pants that day. He slipped on his shoes. “Ok, Lydia, I’m gonna do it.”

_“Call me and tell me everything.”_

“Will do.” Dean hung up the landline. He stepped out of the house and locked the door. The Winchester took a deep breath and walked to the sidewalk. He forced himself to not look back. Dean stopped across the street to the bookstore Sam always talked about. He dialed his brother’s number and waited.

_“Hey, Dean, how’s cooking going?”_

“What does this Castiel look like?” Dean blurted out.

_“Uhm, weird, but…black hair, bright blue eyes, raspy low voice, quiet…keeps to himself. You’ll like him. He loves reading, if you couldn’t guess by him owning a bookstore.”_

“Ok, thanks.” Dean hung up and carefully crossed the street and slowly entered the small store. Thankfully, nobody, but the man he was looking for was inside. The man was sitting at the counter reading, didn’t hear Dean come in. He walked to the counter and peaked at what he was reading then cleared his throat. “Slaughter House V, that’s a great book.”

The man flinched, looked up, back at his book, then smirked as he looked back at Dean. “Oh, I’m sorry. Yeah, it’s pretty good. I just started it yesterday. What can I do for you?”

“You’re Castiel, right?” He hesitated.

“Yeah, Castiel Novak at your service.” The man smiled.

Dean nodded. “I’m Dean.”

“Nice to meet you.” Cas raised an eyebrow. “May I ask? Is your last name Winchester?”

“Yeah, you know my brother, Sam. You were gonna come over to my house for dinner.” Dean wrapped his arms around himself having panic simmering from being far away from home. “I thought I should introduce myself.”

“Sam tells me you don’t leave your house very often.” Cas smiled softly.

Dean nodded. “I have Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. It’s extremely hard for me to just be here right now.”

“I don’t know a lot about Agoraphobia, but you being here is great. I’ve been wanting to meet you for a while.” Cas smiled. “I’m about to close up do you wanna sit and talk or talk while we walk back to your place?”

The Winchester looked around. “I-I don’t have to be home so soon.”

“So we sit.” Cas guided the anxious man to the reading area. “What made you decide to come visit me?”

“I’m about to be a dad. Accidently, knocked up my therapist, even though I’m bi…leaning more toward gay. She’s having a baby girl and I wanna be in my daughter’s life.” Dean explained.

“So you’re trying to get better before she is born?” Cas clasped his hands together in his lap.

“I’m trying to get better so my daughter doesn’t know how crazy her father is.”

“You’re no crazy.” Cas smiled. ‘What do you wanna talk about?”

“What made you start a bookstore?”

_*** &^%$#@$%^&^%$#%^&*** _

Dean realized that his phone was vibrating. He pulled his cell out of his pocket. 4—now 5 missed calls from Sam. The Winchester looked around and realized it was dark outside. “Shit, it’s late.”

“I guess time got away from us. Wanna call him and we walk there?”

“Yeah…” Dean dialed his brother’s number and waited.

_“Open your door, Dean, I thought you would answer the door so I left my key at home. There was a change of plans. Cas never showed up.”_

“Sam, I’m not home.” Dean said standing up. “I’m at the bookstore with Cas. I understand why you like the place.”

 _“You’re at the bookstore?_ ” Sam blurted out.

“Me and Cas are about to walk back.” Dean watched Cas close up the store. Dean bit his nails. “Sammy?”

_“Yeah? Are you freaking out?”_

“Not really…I mean yes, but I can handle it.” Dean cleared his throat. “Let’s go out to eat. The Roadhouse.”

_“Really? That would be nice. Do you want to meet use there or do you wanna head home and we all drive over there?”_

“Uh…” Dean continued to watch Cas. “C-Cas?”

“Yeah?” Cas quickly counted the drawer.

“Did you drive here? I—I was thinking about going out to eat. Did you drive here?”

The blue eyed man laughed. “I walked here, but it’s not a long walk when you live upstairs.”

“Oh.”

“I have a car, though. I know where the Roadhouse is. I’ll drive, let your brother know.” Cas said before running up the stairs.

“I think Cas will drive me there.” Dean wrapped his arm around his body.

_***( &^%$#%^&*(*&^%$%^&*** _

Sam and Jess were already sitting in a booth when Cas and Dean arrived.  The second Dean entered the pub he regretted leaving his house. There were so many people. He reached out subconsciously and grabbed Cas’s forearm. The Novak glanced over to the green eyed man. “You ok?”

Dean looked back at the closed door. His grip tightened on Cas’s arm. “Uh—I di—well…”

Cas looked over to Sam, hoping he was watching and got the message. “Let’s go sit down. Sam and Jess are sitting in a private area.”

“I’d—no, I—“ Dean began to shake and dig his nails into Cas’s forearm.

Sam appeared in front of the two. “Hey Dean, you made it.”

“He’s digging into my arm. I think he’s panicking.” Cas sounded worried.

“Do you wanna go outside for a little while, Dean?” Sam tugged on the arm Dean had latched onto Cas with. “Ellen really wants to see you doing so well.”

Both the younger Winchester and the Novak noticed the tears springing up in Dean’s eyes. He was trembling and frozen in place. “Home, please?”

Sam guided his brother outside. Cas followed. “Hey, now, breathe, Dean. I’ll take you home. It’s ok. I’m so proud you made it all the way to the Roadhouse doorway. Are you sure you don’t wanna eat dinner here? You haven’t had your favorite burger in over 3 years.”

“I can’t do it. I tried. Don’t…know…how I made it to…the bookstore. Too much.” Dean was hyperventilating.

“Hey Dean. It’s Castiel. Bud, you were so calm at the bookstore.” The Novak placed his hand as he crouched down to Dean’s level. “Why don’t you and me take a walk. Can you do that with me?”

It took a moment, but Dean agreed. Sam went back inside and Cas walked beside the Winchester away from the bar. “Sorry.” Dean mumbled.

“It’s ok. Was it the crowd?”

“Yeah, your bookstore was better. Not a lot of people.” Dean stared at the ground. Cas nodded and took Dean’s hand and laced his fingers together. Dean let it happen. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“No, no, I can’t go to another place like the Roadhouse.” Dean tightened his grip on Cas’s hand. “Let’s go to your car and go to my house.”

Cas smiled. “You’re gonna be fine. This place is where I go when I want to get away from the bookstore.”

_***( &^%$^&*(&^%^&*()(*&^%** _

They walked up to a diner. There were two cars in the parking lot. They stepped inside. A smiling red head around the counter. “Cassie!”

Cas released Dean’s hand and hugged the girl. “hey Anna.”

“Who is this cutie?” She smiled.

“This is Sam’s brother, Dean.” Cas placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Hey.” 

“Well, hey Dean. I’m Anna. I’m Cassie’s older sister.” She smiled. “You’ll have a seat where ever.”

Dean watched Anna walk off and Cas head to an empty corner. They sat down. “This is a big step you know. Sam told me you hadn’t left your house in 3 years.”

“What am I doing> I forced down panic the whole walk to your bookstore.” Dean held his head in his hands.

“We talked a lot about me at the bookstore. I wanna get to know you. How did things get this bad?” Cas placed his hands on the table.

“Dad used to beat me and never let me leave the house. If I did he would beat me some more. When my dad died police came in and found me. Our neighbors and community thought John Winchester only had one son, Sam. I was in the basement, malnourished, dehydrated and had definite Stockholm Syndrome. Doctors say I would get better, but slowly over 2 years I retreated into my own house, then I just stopped. My therapist got me in the backyard, or porch and as far as the mailbox, then I got drunk and knocked her up.” Dean looked at his hands. “She was at risk to lose her job. It was unprofessional.”

Cas took Dean’s hands. “But you walked to my store by yourself. That’s gotta be something.”

“Being—so…far from home…makes me very—pan—panicked.” Dean breathed short breaths. “Crowded spaces where I can’t escape…I can’t…Home. Is. Safe.”

“You seemed so calm in the bookstore. You were smiling, laughing even.” Cas rubbed his thumb over the top of Dean’s hand.

Dean sniffed. “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

“You keep apologizing. It’s ok. If I really cared about this…I wouldn’t have brought you to my brother and sister’s diner. I love that you are talking to me.” Cas smiled.

“Why do you care so much?”

Cas laughed. “No one should go through what you did. Something about you, made me want to help you.”

“Why?”

“You’re an attractive man, a caring, gentle man. I can also relate.”

Dean lifted his head and raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“My parents disown me for being gay and also not going to college to be a doctor. My mother died a long time ago.” Cas sighed. “I didn’t talk a lot for a year. My sister says that I was a selective mute.”

“Have you boys decided what you would like?” Anna asked as she approached the table.

“Coffee…” Dean didn’t look up.

“I’ll do the same.” Cas smiled. “Thanks, Anna.”

“No problem.” She walked away.

“You have to think that you just being in this diner is a big thing.” Cas still played with Dean’s hand.

“Why are you holding my hands?”

“It’s a comfort mechanism and I think you are cute.” Cas smiled.

“You’re such a charmer.” Dean chuckled softly. “I think you might help me with this.”

_*** &^%$^&*(&^%$%^&*(** _

Sam walked into Dean’s house to find the oldest Winchester asleep on the couch with his daughter on his chest. The youngest Winchester had been worried because Dean hadn’t been answering his phone. Things were pretty bad that last few months. Due to complications during after labor…Lydia went into shock and passed away, leaving the tiny baby girl, Emma with Dean.

Dean had not taken it well and took a major step back and hasn’t even stepped onto his porch. Emma was out cold. “Hey Emma.” Sam gently picked up the 6 month old.

He made it all the wat to the nursery and back before Dean had woken up. “Em? Where?’

“She’s in her crib sleeping. Don’t worry. You need to shower and eat something.” Sam stretched out his hand to the elder Winchester. “How are you doing?”

“How do you think?” Dean frowned.

“Have you talked to Cas lately?” Sam sat down beside his brother. “Cas needs to know how you are doing.”

“I have talked to him, but I’m not leaving my home ever again.” Dean shook his head.

“You can’t say here forever, Dean.” Sam frowned. “Emma need to get fresh air.”

“SO WE OPEN A WINDOW! Last time I did Lydia died! She left me to care for Emma when I can barely leave my house.”

Sam huffed. “Emma will go to school in a few years. Emma is gonna need interaction with people outside of family. You need to go outside.”

“Shut up! Please!” Dean covered his ears.

“Shh…you’ll wake Emma. Calm down.” Sam shushed Dean.

“I DON’T CARE! I DON’T WANT HER!” Dean yelled.

“Dean…”

“I NEVER WANTED HER! TAKE HE AWAY FROM ME!” Tears streamed down his face. “I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!”

On cue they both heard Emma cry. Sam walked to the baby’s nursery. He came back down and walked onto the porch. He rocked Emma on the porch. He sat there for 2 hours and Dean never came out. Sam never even heard movement from inside. He suddenly head someone walking up the porch steps. “I was slightly hoping Dean was the one sitting there.”

“I figured this would happen.” Sam sighed. “Dean won’t leave the house at all. He outwardly said he didn’t want Emma.”

‘hey Emma, I’m sorry that your Daddy is acting like this.” Cas sat down beside Sam. “Are you sitting out here so Dean might come out?”

“This is how he was 3 ½ years ago.” Sam patted Emma’s butt.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” Cas got up and walked inside. The house was quiet. The Novak search every room before Cas found Dean in a walk in closet of the master bedroom. “Dean?”

“Go away, Sam.”

“It’s Cas, Sam is outside.”

“What do you want?”

“For you to talk to me.”

“I’m having a hard time with Emma.” Dean had puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “I love her, but I can’t handle her.”

“Let’s leave the house. Just a short walk out of the house.”

“No…” Dean replied.

“Dean, I, wholeheartedly, believe that you are the one I am supposed to be with. I want to be your best friend, boyfriend, love, husband, and soulmate. I want to be Emma’s dad. Most importantly, I want to help you get better. So, how about that walk?”

“ok.”

**_***_ **


End file.
